Dear Journal,
it's emotions are so conflicted right now. Partially because it is on it's period... Uggh... it just needs lots of attention, sexual, emotional and physical.. The first two months it was easier to deal without all of the irl life attention because the smitten puppy love phase but it physically really does need Master in real life. No it won't bail on him. Who the hell would it be bailing on someone who can't spend time with it because he's got two jobs to make money to come here? It's just really thinking and wondering how much money he has now towards the trip here and moving here... Because it really seriously needs him. It's past puppy love and it's full on pure in love. But it's so hard to keep strong sometimes and just always think it will work out like long distance until he has enough money. It really hopes he surprises it and visits soon due to all the work he's been putting in. Like no it wasn't saying it won't hold on to wait until he's here irl, it's just sometimes hard to have the 100 % motivation 24/7. Of course it won't give up, Never. Right? Master is it's perfect forever Daddy but Daddy it's so so tough with you being so far away. Is this my period talking? Keep in mind this is my journal and i'm venting and not talking directly to you.. Just thinking... rumbled thoughts. The not living together cause high school wouldn't be a problem it's just you know, it's tougher sometimes cause we haven't even met irl yet. It has no one to kiss it every morning. Come over for ours and snuggle many days a week like an old relationship. It's not saying at all that we should be like an old relationship it just would love being like that... Master coming over like 3 times a week. Even once a week.. Even once right now would be amazing.. seriously.. it's desperate for every time we talk.. it wants to cry right now.. It really needs to hear your voice.. see your face.. that soothes all it's problems, Master.. oh gosh.. it loves you.. so much.. You have no fucking idea... But it just it hurts when even when you're working all day that sometimes you won't even contact me all day saying hey I love you babe here's your dresscode.. Have a good day etc.. Or atleast update your blog every few days.. once a week.. it's wanted to tell you how much that lack of contact bothers it that you don't bother to even call it for 5 mins during a work day or ask how it is doing.. especially when it has big news.. or the fact that it is going to do good in school to please you and can't even really tell you it's improvements... I mean..Why can't you call me for a few mins on your break when i'm at home? I'd even ask to borrrow someone else's phone and I have a roliana.com acc that I can access at school that you can message me on since I think my phones fully cut.. Like when you work, their is like no communication at all barely.. and it's like 1 cam session every week and a half..Master.. you know it well. You should know by now that a five minute phone call or a blog or something always makes my day.. I mean thats like all I expect.. Is that much? Am I greedy? I don't know.. I hope not.. I'm just needy and you've trained me like this and we used to cam every night.. Remember you used to watch me sleep? I dont feel fully safe without that now, Daddy.. We havent done daddy baby girl play in a bit.. or humiliation in a few days.. uggh fucking emotions it just wants to smile right now and be fine with the long distance but it's hard for me too you know?.. it's tough.. especially when I get stressed.. it's just tough.. -wipes it's eyes- I love you so much.. I need to be able to get kisses and snuggles all the time.. it's not the same through cam.. I can hold on for a bit until you see me , it thinks. Babe there is no way in fucking hell that I can wait till summer. I need you now. I swear I do.. This isnt just my period.. This is truth, raw emotion spilling out of what's been in it's conceious.. we can talk about this...well if we ever have the time.. which we never do.. God dam it.. i need to be happy.. I need to live the real life fantasy of this.. I need it now.. i've been waiting so long... In general to live this life more.. I need you irl to pull my hair, control me.. not let me get emotionally like this..walk me... I need it so damn bad.. :'( God... Please.. please show me my place irl... it's so tough on the both of us, equally tough I can tell you that.. Can we please talk about all this? I'll be damned if I make an irrational decision.. I love you so fucking much.. it hurts to not have even met you irl.. I love you and i'm just a physically needy person..
Master Eryn's fuck toy, mia baby..
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